Took the day off and went to shoot more at the demolition site while they were working. Unfortunately the foreman chewed my ear off for so long I missed some great shots. Not really happy with the way they turned out... But at least I learned more history about the silos, and even learned their official names.

Hopefully when I have my doctors appointment coming up in two weeks, I will take the afternoon off and sneak to the job site again to take more "action" shots. Hopefully they won't be done by then....

Listening to Gwar.

Went up north for the long weekend and traffic was a BITCH! Made note of the idiot who spray painted "Abort liberals, not kids" on an overpass. Well you cant take anyone seriously when they wrote it like they were dyslexic!!!! HOw can you condone murder in one sense, while you condemn it in another sense? Christians are such hypocrits!

Makes me think, liberals is a word so close to liberty. And while people are celebrating independence this weekend, do they realize they are not really free? We have become what we first tried to escape. Makes me think of my favorite Thomas Jefferson quote [and I added a few more]

*** "The course of history shows that as a government grows, liberty decreases." ***

"No man has a natural right to commit aggression on the equal rights of another, and this is all from which the laws ought to restrain him."

"I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it."

"That government is best which governs the least, because its people discipline themselves. "

"The people are not always well-informed, but is better that they have misconceptions that make them restless than that they be lethargic--for lethargy in the people means death for republics."

Listening to Gwar.

Drank, smoked, swam, ate, camped out by the fire, and hung out with my goddaughter [not in that order]. It's been a long time since I have hung with close friends [well they are basically my family] and talked shit around a campfire. Got chewed to hell by mosquitoes, but it was worth it! And after everyone went to bed a few of us hung out and we ended up taking weird photos in the woods. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

Listening to Jamies truck play CDs.

What a joke this holiday is.

Glad to be home. The drive back was a nightmare, but at least now I know my car can easily do 110 mph. If you can't keep up stay out of the fucking left lane. It's called a PASSING LANE for a fucking reason. Idiots.

Listening to Jamies fireworks.

Back to the daily grind. Working for a living sucks.

Why has nothing come of the Downing Street Memo? Why isn't this a bigger story?

Listening to Marilyn Manson.

Had a conversation tonight about the symbolism of cats which really made me think. Why were they so revered in Ancient Egypt? They protect us from the vermin, pests and filth. Interesting.

Listening to Crematory.

7/7/05 Thursday

Guess I spoke too soon. Now London is suffering for our presidents idiocy. He drones on and on about terrorism, but while we had our chance in Afghanistan, he had to turn his attention on finishing daddy's war in Iraq. What a waste of resources when no one every proved any link between Iraq and Al Queda. I am sorry anyone else has to suffer for America's stupidity.

This makes me crave to hear:

GWAR "Whargoul"

I'm the fucking Whargoul, I'm the ghost of Minas Morgul
I destroyed your life, I raped your wife
I am Whargoul, I am uncool, I am Whargoul
I've been many faces, been many names
Known love and hate until they were the same
I bring ruin, I am Whargoul, am I human?
They think that they know what I know
They think they know what's best
I think that's why they killed me, that's why I joined the SS
In revenge for Malmedy, they used a blowtorch on me
Nice try, Whargoul cannot die
You blow off my arm I laugh at the pain
And after the battle I feast on the slain
Seeking my creator, taking from the strong
Yes, you see I need your strength, so I can kill the wrong
Seeking my creator, taking from the weak
Yes, you see I need you, so I can snuff the meek
Savor the silence - Whargoul
Addicted to violence
They used a bulldozer, to run my ass over
Arms to the sky, 40,000 died, but I survived
I don't care what flag that I choose, I don't care if I win or lose
I don't care if you have to die, just fight without a side, never say die!
Stalingrad 42, became a living tomb
Yes, human souls
Profit for the prophet and the creatures who control
46 I got away, from the horrid thing that I did at Malmedy
And though I gained strength at the time
Still they call for vengeance for the hatred of my crime
Then I tried to drink myself to death
40 years went by, and drunken I was left
And drunk I was when they caught me
Gagged and bagged was right where they got me
Taped to a chair feeling sore
Knowing all the answers to the question I ignore
They burned off my face with a propane torch
Then they blew up my porch
Then I fought against the USA, trapped in a trench till the bulldozers came
Changed sides, and flew the bloody warthog
Highway of death and the day of the dog
And once again, I died alive, sent home in a box but somehow I survived
Maybe you've got my face, I'm the demon of war.

I can't believe I had so much fun spending my Friday night at Mall Of America. I spent too much money at Hot Topic but Goddess knows I can always use more skirts. >_< Maybe I had so much fun because of my company, thanks Mela and Marissa!

Listening to more Gwar.

Slept all day because of the heat, I really need an AC unit.

Went to Ground Zero and had a good time dancing. Afterwards I had an impromptu photoshoot with Melanie. Spent all night into the morning photoshopping.

Listening to Juno Reactor.

Uploaded the new portaits to the site. Even added a few textured images. Still too hot to do anything. I really need to upload my latest silo photos to the site but I have so many images to go through I'm a little afraid to start on it. It's turned out to be such a big project.

Listening to TV.

7/11/05 Monday

THINGS ARE GETTING WORSE AND YOURE NOT HELPING.

7/12/05 Tuesday

Ever see a black squirrel, or a white squirrel? Its just a squirrel right?

Why do humans see other humans based on color, instead of species? We have such brain potential, but we sometimes think so small. We are all the same species, color means nothing.

The founder of PETA believes in total freedom for animals, meaning they’d roam the streets freely with equal rights as humans. Could you imagine? Traffic because of a wild pack of bears? HA! Maybe then we’d have a multi species race war and humans would finally be united...

HAHHAAHAAaaaa. My brain is too funny sometimes. Damn visual thinking......

7/14/05 Thursday

The extreme weather conditions are taking its toll on my car. It rattles and rumbles and is begging for new suspension. Damnit. I like it here, but this heat is making me miss the winter! Come on 10degrees!

7/15/05 Friday

Finally lost my “cool” with a friends wife. I’m sure being intoxicated didnt help. Poor girl started in on me and I just lost it. All of my pent up anger over the latest shift in religious rights power became focused on her. I actually feel bad for making her so upset to the point of tears. I guess I offend others too easily when they bring up religion. But when someone says they pity me for not needing the word of dog, as if my life is useless if I dont believe in her god, well those are fighting words! Religion has nothing to do with spituality, and everyone has their own form of spirituality. She did not understand that her “truths” are just beliefs that I disagree with. The problem with the world today is they see in 2 dimensional views, seeing only good or evil, my way or the highway. A person who thinks in multi-dimensions knows there is much much more. I believe in much, much more. Are we so arrogant to think we know it all? And then to condemn others for not agreeing with those beliefs???

I am personally SICK of having other peoples beliefs pushed on me. Their distorted view of freedom and claiming our country was founded on christianity, thats just ignorance. Religious freedom does NOT mean that the religious right are right!!! They obviously do not understand the concept of a melting pot and true freedom.

And the funny thing is tis all started around a debate over Islam. I didnt help by comparing it to Extremist Judeo-Christians to Extreme Fundamentalist Muslims!! Heh heh. Our christian friends do not understand that their belief systems is just an interpretation of a book written by more than one man. The bible is easily compared to the quran. They are so brainwashed they connaot see the whole picture. Am I am sick of their talking points!

But what is sad is they think my life is somehow unfullfilling. I told her its great she was a whore and then found Jesus, whatever worked for her is great. But I found art, and it saved me, and I live for it, but for fucks sake, I dont go around telling people that the book of photography is the word of god, and they must follow it. Could you imagine? “You must use a camera or you will burn in hell”. Too funny. Or if I still played D&D and used the monster manual as the word of god. “And then god took the rib of an Orc and made the Goblin”. HAHAHHAHAHaaaaaa. I should start a D&D cult!

7/16/05 Saturday

Got somehow talked into bar hopping after a long hot day. We were searching for AC but the clubs were either dangerous [why Nick thought a club in North Minneapolis would be cool?] or cool with no AC [Grumpys and Triple Rock].... Fucker. I had one drink that just made me more tired in the heat. The only good thing was the AC in the car ride.

7/16/05 Saturday

Got somehow talked into bar hopping after a long hot day. We were searching for AC but the clubs were either dangerous [why Nick thought a club in North Minneapolis would be cool?] or cool with no AC [Grumpys and Triple Rock].... Fucker. I had one drink that just made me more tired in the heat. The only good thing was the AC in the car ride.

7/17/05 Sunday

Went to the silos and snuck into the fence to really explore the recent rubble closely for the first time! I was so nervous I couldnt enjoy myself! I was shaking, and excited, and nervous. I wasnt dressed the part, so I knew if anyone saw me they knew I didnt belong. I looked like a little goth doll... And sure enough I heard people show up on motorcycles and they had nice digital cameras like me and began to actually climb inside.... Im glad they had the balls. I didnt!!!! I am wondering if they are with that urban squad. FUCK I always forget their names.

I’ll be back only a few more times. Delmar Silo1 is almost gone and Delmarsilo2 is almost destroyed....

7/18/05 Monday

Another doctors appointment. Why do some things have to be so complicated? Geez. The health care providers system is awful. And health insurance should be a basic right. If the government REALLY cared about the masses then cheap health care would be a basic human right.

Went back to the silos to try again to get some action shots. They are almost done with the 2nd building, and I did finally get some coool crane shots. I give them another week and they are done with it. Couldnt believe how much has been done. The thought of being done with them scares me, what will I do next??????

7/19/05 Tuesday

Why does the general public still debate issues that are private personal issues, and our politicians spend our tax dollars continuously trying to overturn womens rights. We are stepping back, loosing our rights and privacy, and no one is doign anything. Brainwashed by tv, you must consume. If you do not consume useless products then capitalism does not work! Do you see that? If we all of a sudden stopped greasing the wheel of capitalism, then maybe we could speak of real democracy.

So tired.... so humid....... neeed a good nights sleep

7/20/05 Wednesday

Lost our kickball championship game which left us in 2nd place.... Was not a happy night. Slept tight.

7/21/05 Thursday

Quote of the night “Fuck em where they breed” -Mel’s mom.

After a long chat over coffee with Melanie, my mind is racing....... Creation balancing destruction. Life and death. Why are humans so afraid of death? ......... When you make things taboo, it leads to extremism...... Light emerging from the darkness........... art creating energy..................... Knowing the old masters and comparing their techniques to those of us in the modern ago who grew up with printed images........ how digital can be used as a tool, as underpainting the idea but using your own artist touch to finalize the detail with paint. Where as in photographry digital makes it easier to make things perfect.......

7/22/05 Friday

Bought a 2nd media card for my Canon 20D. Did some digital retouching for the first time in a few months. Even got contacted by a studio I used to work with years ago. Woohoo! Now IM ready to shoot tomorrows wedding! Uneventful night, hung with friends.

7/23/05 Saturday

The day started with a severe thunderstorm which only made it more humid. The church had no AC, and we had to do shots by a waterfall with the added humidity. The cermony was quick and the bride and groom were difficult for photos. It ended without a bang at a cool reception hall.... My photos were subpar for a few reasons, I was not happy with them at all. I hope the studio is okay with them. A few were tremendous... Maybe I’m too hard on myself. Last time they said I shot too many pictures.... We’ll see what happens.

7/24/05 Sunday

Returned to this silos again. I snuck through the fence in my hardhat and cargo pants and went crazy!!! I looked like I belonged!!! I had 2 media cards to fill up and I explored every part of the site. I got some great detail shots, some great angled shots, and even climbed a big concrete/ dirt hill. What a site it was at the top. The photos dont do it justice! I swear I had a near panic attack at the top!! It was so much excitement and I know this is one of the last times I will be there. I was sad and excited all at the same time.... By next Sunday they will be done.... Delmar Silo1 is completely gone and Delmar Silo2 is almost destroyed....

What do I do next?

7/25/05 Monday

Case of the mondays.

7/26/05 Tuesday

Took a pretty bad spill at work today. I fell off of a curb and when I went down into the street it was a split second decision where I saved my camera by falling down on my knees. Ouch. Smarts just a bit.

Been busy with stupid chores.

7/27/05 Wednesday

I was asked tonight if I took a job as a consulting photographer that could travel anywhere in the world, where would I go? And it was a very tough question to answer. I honestly want to travel to many places. Prague, Latvia, Russia, Ireland, Scotland, Australia.... Where to begin?? I couldn't really answer...

7/29 Friday

How did this week go by so fast? Oh yeh, BIG PROJECT for work, ran around every fucking day. And you know what the joke is, and it seems to be a recuring one, no matter how good of a mood I am when I show up for work, someone ruins it every day before lunch.... Ugh. I need a sugar daddy!!! Or a good art grant.... Maybe I really need to think the grad studies at U of MN.

7/30 Saturday

Well I finally broke down under peer pressure to get the Korg synthesizer I have been wanting. After playing with it all night, with a small break for a friends barbeque, I am not sure it will do everything I want to do with it... Must play with it more.

7/31 Sunday

Caught up on some photos for work. Had to hit some industrial sites when they were nice and quiet on a Sunday afternoon. And then of corpse, I could not resist going back to the silos. Only pieces remain, but they were cool pieces!!!! One more visit and I’m done....

Cleaned out the basement and carpetted the walls in hope of being able to crank my amp and the neighbor wont hear the synth or the drums! Woohoo! That will be a winter project. Just sitting at the synth....