March 2006

I did not keep on my daily entries this month, because it seemed to be one thing after another.

First, my evil 14 year old cat got sick, she began breathing really heavy and started losing massive amounts of weight. After dragging my feet for a week I brought her to the vet and he said she had fluid in her lungs. After he sedated her, she was having trouble breathing. I could either bring her home to suffer more, or put her down. I tried my best to be strong and be there calling her name as he put her down, but it was one of the worst things I had to do.

Seeing her lay on the table, eyes wide open, mouth gaping, tongue out, it was horrific. And I realized, 14 years of my life she was there with me. She was there, relying on me to take care of her. 3 boyfriends and 3 states later, I realized she had been a major part of my life since I graduated high school. I miss her. I go upstairs and expect to see her there, begging for food, or waiting for me to get out of the shower. It still hurts almost a month later.

Then I spent 400 dollars on framing my work for the Art of Sin show. I dropped off my work with my friend who was also in the show, and we went out and celebrated. Even she said I was so happy for the first time in awhile. She said she was seeing me truly smile, a real smile.

Then the next day I was laid off from my job.

It seems I can’t have good things happen to me without bad things happening. Why?

So here it is, almost the end of the month, and no job in sight.

And still no models for my new photo series. I have 5 images burning in my head that I want to express, and no one to help me get them out. It’s so damn frustrating. It’s like my art has come to a screeching halt…

I updated the look of the site. Trying to keep my sanity by working on my art, even if it’s not really creating any new art. I am also working on redoing the angel series since the original Photoshop files I did were lost on my busted hard drive last year. Those are going slow, since there was allot of rescanning involved.

I’m really just trying to keep my head above water right now. I get that drowning feeling, and there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do about it. I guess I’m just trying to wait out the storm.