11/01/2005 Tuesday

Worrying more about my jobs lack of security again. After I graduated, there seemed to be an abudance of gobs. Nowadays its scary how small the classified have become. Who should I blame when the American dollar itself is doing so well in the international realm.

Was thoroughly amazed to see the Democrats finally DO something today, and enacting Rule 21 was great. I have allot of respect for Harry Reed. Though I do not have faith that something will come out of the whole ordeal. Not when the majority party is SOO corrupt.

11/02/2005 Wednesday

Quote of the day “when you point a finger, there are 3 fingers pointing back at you.”

Working on revamping the sites opening since all was lost in the Great Computer Crash of Spring 2005.

11/03/2005 Thursday

The big maple trees in my front lawn just belch their dead leaves. As I am raking they are still dropping their dead limbs. Bastards.

And you know what? I blame Wendy! The previos owner. She got the trees as a gift for starting a bank account, and now they are gigantic and are upheaving the front yard, killed almost everything in the flower bed in front of the porch, and are now reaching into the neighbors yard and touching their house. Artgh! Im not the kind of gal you want with a chainsaw on the front yard trying to talk to foreign neighbors about a tree.

11/04/2005 Friday

GWAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 20 year reunion tour.

Wow to think, 17 years or so since I heard the name Gwar in Richmond, VA. Holy fuck. Years of getting drenched in their blood, shit, piss and cum.

Unfortunately the show was at the Quest and the sound SUCKED and the stage was too small to accomadate all of the monsters. What a rip off. All because Disturbed was booked for more than one show at First Avenue.

11/05/2005 Saturday

Went through hell to see the Sarah Silverman movie “Jesus Is Magic”. I just hate crowds, and the small artsy theatre where it was playing was packed for the one night showing since it was a rainy night, . I don’t know what it is about having strangers so near to me. It drives me into another mindset. In Boston on the subway I remember my boyfriend asking why I kept growling like I Was. I had no idea that I would actually make noises on the subway if someone touched me. I didn’t even realize what was going on. Luckily I don’t seem to snap too often. And luckily the showing was only running 15 minutes late.

Sarah Silverman is a brilliant comic, so damn sarcastic. I love how she can make fun of anyone, even her JAP self. Ever wonder why Jewish women aren’t in porn well Sarah shows us a JAP saying “Oh yeh Fuck my Tuckus.” Not sexy!

I cant remember all the many amazing quotes from this movie!!! Near the end she admits “I hope I don’t appear racist, I want to appear thin.”

Wish there had been more skits. The song “you are dying” stuck in my mind. Especially when the ending becomes a metal song with her in a funeral home. I need to find that soundbit online!

11/06/2005 Sunday

Hung out with Mel.

Another week has gone by… I do not like seeing gray hairs when the red dye grows out. And I know the wrinkles are sure to follow… It’s amazing how wise we get as we age, but unfortunately it shows. Not only through the scars, but through our aging shell.

11/07/2005 Monday

I love my car, and not in a vain or monetary way. It is sleek freedom.

I remember my 81 Honda Civic at age 16, with no shocks and on its last legs [200,00+ mileage]. The damn thing just couldn’t make it up hills. Or the Toyota Tercel that I wrecked. It was a tin Japanese mini tank but could not go faster than 55MPH.

Then in Boston, I was condemned to riding the subway. It was cheap [27$ a month] and I enjoyed the time to read , listen to music, and not have to deal with the insane traffic. But instead I had to be near other people, their germs, their cell phone calls, and most of all, have to be surrounded and even touched by strangers in a small tin can in a tunnel.

So sometimes on my way to work I just smile, I love the freedom of the car, no wonder America is a gas guzzling whore. The car has been the symbol of freedom since the first Model T.

But then some days, I miss the convenience of living on the Red Line in south Boston.

11/08/2005 Tuesday

How interesting the news has been lately regarding the current administration:

White phosphorous powder being used in Iraq [napalm made out of jet fuel, instead of gasoline]...
Bush says to the president of Brazil after seeing a map of Brazil “I didn’t know it was so big.”...
An investigator into the republican lobbyists dirty dealing was beaten brutally with a baseball bat in front of her suburban home by a man wearing a ski mask. …
Bush says he will veto [the ONLY bill he has ever vetoed] the anti torture bill unless it has a clause in it allowing the CIA to use torture. Then says to Brazilian press “We do not use torture” but has he seen the pictures?
Remember that video of an Iraqi boy being raped in front of his parents that was supposed to be shown to the public but the republican majority is trying its best to keep it hidden. So who has the rape camps now? Saddam. Oh no America…
Democrats in congress ask that the El Presidente sign in writing that he won’t pardon Scooter Libby…

All on local election day. Sounds made up doesn’t it? Did your news source tell you these things?

11/9/2005 Wednesday

Photographed erics truck. He set up his garage with black plastic and blue lights. It was sweet.

11/10/2005 Thursday

I'm still in shock over my grandmother’s death after living 15 years with Alzheimers. Part of me is not completely upset that she is gone, it is an end to her suffering. Though the other part of me is soo saddened to know this strong vibrant beautiful lady who was always my matriarch, ended up to the point where she forgot how to eat. What a horrible disease. Her body was strong, but her mind became jello.

11/11/2005 Friday

Following a sad day filled with death, I decided to spend the afternoon/evening rotting my brain with gore, violence and horror. Started it out by seeing Saw II. Not super impressed, I liked the first one better [name a sequel where you have NOT said that?] What really annoyed me was the pseudo story recap at the end. How dumb do they think we are that we forgot the plot within an hour? Maybe they realized how bad the movie really was. The visuals were like strobe lights, but very intense. Goregasm!

11/12/2005 Saturday

We drove up to Minneapolis to see OLDBOY but we could not find parking. By the time we would have paid for parking and two movie tickets, we figured we could just buy the damned movie on DVD since it was Japanese movie just released in the uS. So we went to Best Buy and bought the movie instead. Heh heh. I hate searching for parking when there is a college Gopher hockey game happening and Dinkytown is bad enough as it is.

11/13/2005 Sunday

Bummed around all day until friends showed up and to take me bowling. Sunday, the best bowling day of the week, it’s 2 for 1 drink night. Four whiskey and cokes later my bowling scores went down hill, and I even dropped the bowling ball once on the back swing. I admit, it’s always fun to go with a group of my punk friends late at night as all the leagues are leaving.

11/14/2005 Monday

The weeks plans have been ruined. People can be soo damn flakey.

I was sitting in my work van for longer than expected today in the rain and cold dreary day. Just couldn’t get motivated. My day was brightened when an older gentleman from Starbucks brought me out a coffee… I guess he was partly curious about the strange van in front of his store, and maybe he thought such a lovely lady as myself with deep black bags under her eyes was in desperate need off coffee…. And I WAS. Put a smile right on my face!! Oh the simple things in life.

Why don’t people see propaganda for what it is… Then again, capitalism is all about advertising which in itself is propaganda. No wonder I’m so interested in the mass marketing of things to people. Those who see it for what it is are best to feed it to the masses.

11/15/2005 Tuesday

Lies lies lies. The news is bullshit and lies.

First snow, even though it was just powder. Is it me or has it been very windy lately? That cold bitter biting chill that blows right through your body and bones.

11/16/05 Wednesday

The rain last night before the snow caused my car doors, windows, to completely freeze overnight. Gotta love the first realizations of winter. I need a car starter, but they are too expensive to buy during winter. By spring when they are cheap I forget because they aren’t necessary anymore… Lifes cruel jokes.

11/17/05 Thursday

Snow and bright cloudy days make migraines worse. Slept it off.

11/18/05 Friday

Spent the day and night at Melanies. She needed professional slides or her work and I needed a model for ideas that were stuck in my head. They needed to come out! SO we traded services. I brought over my professional lights and took beautiful images of her paintings for her website and for digital slides. We then spent the rest of the day until midnight shooting portrait ideas I had in my head. We work so well together. She needs images for her next series as modeling, and I needed images so I can find more models. And get the damn images out of my head!

11/19/05 Saturday

Came home with a laptop full of images [8 gigs including raw files] to a dead PC. Damn this graphics machine. Too powerful for its own good?

11/21/05 Monday

Spent all goddamned weekend and into the night getting the PC running again. Windows spit a critical error and I could not repair the boot system. So I bought a new hard drive and started windows all over again. Then slaved the old drive and VOILA there is my work. I usually back up most of my work, but theres allot of PSDs and graphics work I forget to backup…. So glad to have it back.

I have some evil electrical touch that just makes computers melt. I don’t know what it is.

11/22/05 Tuesday

Everything has been revolving around installing programs and organizing and burning images to CDs.

11/23/05 Wednesday

FINALLY got to work on the images I shot on Friday by now I’m kind of sick of them. Isn’t that awful? Im my worst critic. I know I have talent, but I criticize my work until I cant stand it anymore.

11/24/05 Thursday

I have many things to be thankful for, but this helliday is rooted in wrongdoing to my forefathers, and it’s hard to take this holiday seriously when I know the bloodshed that happened. They stole our land, gave us diseased blankets , killed the beautiful animals and feasted on them, and said blessings in the name of their god. What a joke the story is.

Nonetheless. It’s the end of the harvest, the fields have been tilled, the snow begins to fall, be thankful for refrigeration and preservatives, now we feast!

But we consume on our Hallmark holidays and boy do people eat it up. More gravy? And then we prepare for the shopping mania that feeds our consumerism. Must we really buy presents to show our love? Buy name brand, or buy cheap. That’s all that matters. That’s capitalism.

I personally would rather create art and give it away…. Unfortunately my relatives are running out of wallspace.

11/25 Friday

Updated the .Portraits Page.

11/29 Tuesday

Been busy working on MagickTheatre.com so I haven’t been updating my journal….

11/30 Wednesday

Works got me driving up to Saint Cloud again so I’m just completely beat. Kinda been in a real funk lately.